Here I Stand
by GoldsworthyGontierGirl123
Summary: Clare has left Eli. He tries to act okay, but it's killing him. What will happen? One-shot. Based on the song "Here I Stand" by Madina Lake. Made for Valentines Day!


**HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!**

**I made my bf a heart with these song lyrics on it for Valentine's Day and I've had it stuck in my head all day, so I just HAD to do an EClare story about it!**

**This one-shot is a little sad then happy EClare to the song "Here I Stand" by Madina Lake! It's an AMAZING song! Listen to it!**

**This is my first song fic where I used the entire song, so it may be a little choppy and such, but try to enjoy it!**

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_My hands shake 'cause today,  
I know you're gonna break my heart and,  
my life without you in it  
is a life that's not worth living._

"I need a break, time by myself."

All I could hear as the teenagers rushed by me in slow motion was those words from last night. Everything was a blur… except her, walking towards me. I knew what 'a break' meant, what would come after that.

Clare stopped in front of me. "Eli."

"Clare."

I try to control my breathing, which was becoming shallower by the second. My chest tightened up, preparing myself for the blow. This was going to happen, the inevitable.

"Listen, you're amazing, sweet, caring…"

"Is there a point to this, Edwards?" As soon as my sarcasm got out, all I wanted to do was pull it back in. _"Dammit,"_ I thought. _"That's going to help."_

She gave me this look, sadness, regret, mixed with a little disgust.

Here it comes.

_I'll be strong but I wish I was someone else,  
anyone but me tonight_

"We're done. I'm sorry." With tears in her eyes, she ran past me.

_Here I stand all alone tonight  
and I wish I was strong enough to breathe.  
Without you in my life,  
I wish I was anyone but me._

She left me standing there, like an idiot. The hallway was starting to clear, but I stayed. My body wouldn't let me move. Every time I try to brace and prepare myself for the damage, it still knocks the air out of me. Once I regain my breath, my body finally lets me move. So I walk away.

Why did it have to be me?

_So I'll start to pretend I'm ok  
but you should know by now that  
my life is smoke and mirrors._

It's been a few weeks after the break up. She goes around like she's fine, so I try to do the same, just for her. I'm hanging out with Adam more, working on my writing, which has brought up my English grace, surprisingly, and been able to listen to my post-hardcore music… Clare always got it confused with scream or emo, when it actually a combination of both.

SNAP OUT OF IT!

My mind went back to her. I hate when it does that.

Honestly, I've made my life this whole act, a soap opera, if I may call it that. Or a magic show. Everything is not what it seems. I may be acting fine on the outside, but I'm dying inside.

_The one thing is crystal clear  
that I'm the one wishing I was someone else,  
Anyone but me tonight._

I'm trying to move on, but I still wonder: Why me?

_Here I stand all alone tonight  
and I wish I was strong enough to breathe.  
Without you in my life,  
I wish I was anyone but me._

I watch Clare walk out the front doors of Degrassi with Alli from the front steps. I hate when Adam's running late. She always has something going on after school that made her go home late, so it was just me, her, and Alli. _"Dammit, Adam."_

"Hi, Eli," she says, nervously.

"Hey," I replied. That's all I say, though I'm dying to beg her to take me back, even though it's not very me.

Alli drags her away quickly. I know she was just trying to be protective, but seriously? Rude much? But I would have killed to be her, to still know what Clare's going through with school, her parents, everything. We were that close, but I guess that's what drove us apart.

So again, I'm alone, as always now. I used to love to be alone, by myself, solitary confinement, as my parents called it, but I guess Clare just brought out the… personality in me. Now when I'm alone, I feel suffocated. Odd, right? I know, but it's true. So now, I feel out of breath 24/7.

And I still want this to be a dream.

_Inside I start to fall apart,  
and I'll pretend I'm holding on.  
So I guess I'll bleed in silence.  
I guess I'll bleed in silence._

I left Adam at school, texting him that I had to go. I thought I had this under control, but just thinking about her added a crack into my fragile state of being. And that crack started a flood.

I hopped inside Morty and drove. I drove for about an hour, going everywhere and nowhere, until I ended up stopping on the side of this neighborhood street. I shut off Morty and sit there, contemplating what has gone on in the past weeks and how my life has been acted out as a lie.

So I break down.

I bit my tongue, trying to stop the tears, but all I get it blood filling my mouth. Once I release, so do the tears. They come down like rain. But it feels good. I've had all this emotion built up inside me and they're being released. Even though I feel better, I still can't get rid of the empty feeling inside. The silence is suffocating me again. So I'm just going to sit here, bleeding and broken down, until I can regain myself.

Or…

_Here I stand all alone tonight  
and I wish I was strong enough to breathe._

"Eli?" I hear my name being called. I turn towards my passenger window where the voice came from.

Clare. She came to my window and I saw she had on a white tank top and blue short shorts.

I lean over to unlock the door. "You must been cold."

"Thanks." She gets in and shuts to door, causing a cold rush of air over towards me. _"Of course. I just HAD to come to her neighborhood… and stop in front of her house."_ I try to remove to evidence of crying by causally pretending to wipe my eyes, but she must have noticed.

"What's wrong?"

"_Crap!"_ "Nothing."

"Then why have you been crying?"

"I haven't."

"I can see it, Eli! Tell… me…" Her eyes went wide with concern. "Me?"

I nod. It's all I can do. Now that she's figured out, she'll probably think I'm a freak, stalker. I hold my breath, waiting for a response.

She takes me in her arms, holding me there for a minute before talking. "I thought you were fine. You acted okay."

She started to stroke my hair down. It's kind of messy, but it's also comforting. "Welcome to Eli Goldsworthy's one man show, where everything is not what it seems."

I hear her sigh. "I went too far. I just wanted a break."

"Then why did you say we were done?"

"I hoped that you would get the message to be less clingy?" she guessed. "I don't know, but I've been putting on an act, too."

"You didn't seem like it…"

"Neither did you."

"Good point, Edwards."

_Without you in my life,  
I wish I was anyone but me._

She leaned down and our lips collided. I guess that means she back. And now I want to be me and nobody else.

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**And there we go! Win? Fail? Tell Me!**** I worked really hard on it!**

**Thanks For Reading! Review!**


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